And it's done.

So, it's been a little over a week since Joey called off the wedding and ended our relationship... again. Sometimes I'm numb, sometimes I'm so incredibly angry that I am beating the floor, screaming and crying, and sometimes I'm so sad that I don't feel like I can draw my next breath. Sunday I went to church and got angrier and angrier with God as each new phrase from the praise songs came on the screen. You see, Joey said he wants more than anything to marry me, but that God told him to walk away. The same God that told me to wait on this man while I sat on the beach in Destin begging Him to either take away all the feelings I had or give me strength to endure it. I kept hearing, "Wait. This is My plan. Wait on this man."
And now God tells Joey to walk away.
I'm angry. I'm confused. I want to wake up and all this to be done. I either want to feel nothing or I want him to say that he was wrong, that he heard wrong.
What makes me angriest is that it does no good to be angry. I don't want to talk to God right now. And it doesn't matter. The reason it doesn't matter is that God always gets His way. I'll eventually come around and I'll still be alone. I'll still be without the man that He told me to wait on. I feel like He dangled what we wanted in front of us and then snatched it away.
One more broken engagement.