And it's done.

So, it's been a little over a week since Joey called off the wedding and ended our relationship... again. Sometimes I'm numb, sometimes I'm so incredibly angry that I am beating the floor, screaming and crying, and sometimes I'm so sad that I don't feel like I can draw my next breath. Sunday I went to church and got angrier and angrier with God as each new phrase from the praise songs came on the screen. You see, Joey said he wants more than anything to marry me, but that God told him to walk away. The same God that told me to wait on this man while I sat on the beach in Destin begging Him to either take away all the feelings I had or give me strength to endure it. I kept hearing, "Wait. This is My plan. Wait on this man."
And now God tells Joey to walk away.
I'm angry. I'm confused. I want to wake up and all this to be done. I either want to feel nothing or I want him to say that he was wrong, that he heard wrong.
What makes me angriest is that it does no good to be angry. I don't want to talk to God right now. And it doesn't matter. The reason it doesn't matter is that God always gets His way. I'll eventually come around and I'll still be alone. I'll still be without the man that He told me to wait on. I feel like He dangled what we wanted in front of us and then snatched it away.
One more broken engagement.

Ever want to just kick someone in the rear?

Because I kinda wanna.

Update.

Sarah Palin is not my hero and I do not want her to be president.

My number one thought about this election

Sarah Palin is my hero. I want her to run for president instead.

N and me

Today I spend the day with N and his parents and a couple of other people. We did spend some time with just each other, and it has been discussed and decided that we are back together. We discussed some other stuff too. This was my favorite:

We're driving along, listening to music. I'm kind of being a pathetic girl, thinking things like, "He's really cute," "I'm really glad I'm in his car, and I'm really glad he's here." I'm alternately looking at him and smiling, looking out the window, and feeling like a big dork. About that time, he says, "What are you thinking about?" I debated with myself for half a second, blushed insanely, giggled like a 13 year old and then said, "Well, that I'm really glad that I'm in your car, and that I'm glad you're here and it makes me happy, and I kinda think you're hot." If he had been drinking something at that moment I think it would've spewed out of his mouth. He got really surprised and said, "What?" I repeated myself.

I think the patience and chocolate chip cookies have paid off.

We had a lot of good conversation tonight, and I hope that I can continue that without falling into my habit of filtering everything I say.

On to other news: I won an LG Dare and I get it in a little over a month.

It's almost Fall. I love the Fall.

You know what else I love? Sleep. And I'm gonna go get me some right now.

Report

Things are going well with N.
He bought me art supplies. He's supportive and encouraging me in my newfound interest, which was one of the things that has become very important to me. I've gotten fairly sick of guys not being interested in what makes me happy.
So anyway, it's going well, and I'm fairly excited.

So, Friday...

I have a date with N.

Yes, a date.

Should I rename him now that he's not technically an "unknown"? I think I'll leave it as N just because it amuses me.

Greek girls do not lose their pants and other news.

Rubyred, Melinda_J and I are holding auditions for a Carmen. Must meet following qualifications:
1. grandparents that live in an exotic location
2. either a private jet or lots of frequent flier miles
3. wear between an size 8-10 in Old Navy flip flops. We're buying 9's.

In the relationship area:
Things with N look promising. That's all I'm saying on that subject.

In the God area:
I suck at having a consistent quiet time. Pray that I can make myself wake up for church and that I can be more diligent about my relationship with God in general.

.

I just have to get through today.

AND THEN MY VACATION STARTS! I'm off for nearly a week and I can't wait.
By the way, N had a good reason for not coming to the movie. Darn him.

More on the new hobby

Passing more time at work.