It's 2:43 a.m. Do you know where your parents are?

I do. They're asleep. Been asleep for several hours and will be up in about 2-3 hours. And right now I am just too tired to sleep. Ever feel like that? If I go to bed, I lay there and think about everything under the sun, or about the person who will from now on be referred to as N. Why N? Because it's generally the symbol for unknown in an algebraic equation. And he is definitely an unknown.

I bought my mother a cell phone for Mother's Day. I would say it's for her, but honestly I've always been really bad about tracking my parents down when they're not where they should be. I mean, they're in their 50's. Why aren't they always home?

I'm kidding. As long as they're home by curfew they're ok.

I generally call home to talk to my mother. I've tried calling my father before, but if it's not about a car or work he seems to get confused and answers, "Hold on, here's Mama." To which I respond, "I was calling to talk to you." Anyway, he always keeps the phone, and since I am evidently insecure unless I can reach my parents at any time of day, I bought her a phone.

A friend laughed at me and told me that I just bought my mother a leash.
The nerve. It's not a leash. Think of it as a sort of mutated apron string.