Alone sucks.

I want to go on vacation. I want someone to love me enough to want to go with me and then follow through by actually going. You can be a family member or friend. I don't care. It's imperative that on this trip you don't spend all of your time texting someone else, emailing someone else, talking on the phone to someone else, sleeping, watching CSI/ER/Gray's Anatomy, or expecting me to watch the kids while you fish/golf/etc.

Basic point: I want to go somewhere with someone who wants to hang out with me, talk with me, or do something with me because they want to be with me, and not simply because their spouse/boyfriend/preferred friend or child isn't available.

I'm sure I sound pathetically whiny, but I'm sick and tired of being the "something to fall back on." It's not that I don't love taking care of people, I do. I need to feel important and valued. A few of my friends do a great job at this. I want to get a phone call with the person on the other end saying, "Let's spend some time together. Want to go _________?" The majority of you don't. The majority of you, family included, put me off to see if there's something better first.

My brother and several friends call me when he needs a baby sitter.
My parents call when they need something.
The other brother, as well as several friends, don't call at all.

I know that my issues/hurts may not be as big or important as the ones that my friends might experience, but I feel like screaming from lack of contact.
I feel passed over, pushed aside, ignored, taken advantage of, unacknowledged, invisible, inaudible, forgotten, etc.

I hate being alone. I don't hate spending time alone, I just hate this whole state of being alone. Yes, I'm blessed enough to have a roommate that loves me just like a sibling would, but I miss living with family and getting hugged and kissed goodnight. I miss working with children and being hugged every day. That was one bonus of camp. Hugs. Grown people hugging each other on a daily basis. PCB was great about this. We were made to hug 8-10 people on our team daily.

I feel isolated and separated and I hate it.