Update.

Sarah Palin is not my hero and I do not want her to be president.

My number one thought about this election

Sarah Palin is my hero. I want her to run for president instead.

N and me

Today I spend the day with N and his parents and a couple of other people. We did spend some time with just each other, and it has been discussed and decided that we are back together. We discussed some other stuff too. This was my favorite:

We're driving along, listening to music. I'm kind of being a pathetic girl, thinking things like, "He's really cute," "I'm really glad I'm in his car, and I'm really glad he's here." I'm alternately looking at him and smiling, looking out the window, and feeling like a big dork. About that time, he says, "What are you thinking about?" I debated with myself for half a second, blushed insanely, giggled like a 13 year old and then said, "Well, that I'm really glad that I'm in your car, and that I'm glad you're here and it makes me happy, and I kinda think you're hot." If he had been drinking something at that moment I think it would've spewed out of his mouth. He got really surprised and said, "What?" I repeated myself.

I think the patience and chocolate chip cookies have paid off.

We had a lot of good conversation tonight, and I hope that I can continue that without falling into my habit of filtering everything I say.

On to other news: I won an LG Dare and I get it in a little over a month.

It's almost Fall. I love the Fall.

You know what else I love? Sleep. And I'm gonna go get me some right now.

Report

Things are going well with N.
He bought me art supplies. He's supportive and encouraging me in my newfound interest, which was one of the things that has become very important to me. I've gotten fairly sick of guys not being interested in what makes me happy.
So anyway, it's going well, and I'm fairly excited.

So, Friday...

I have a date with N.

Yes, a date.

Should I rename him now that he's not technically an "unknown"? I think I'll leave it as N just because it amuses me.

Greek girls do not lose their pants and other news.

Rubyred, Melinda_J and I are holding auditions for a Carmen. Must meet following qualifications:
1. grandparents that live in an exotic location
2. either a private jet or lots of frequent flier miles
3. wear between an size 8-10 in Old Navy flip flops. We're buying 9's.

In the relationship area:
Things with N look promising. That's all I'm saying on that subject.

In the God area:
I suck at having a consistent quiet time. Pray that I can make myself wake up for church and that I can be more diligent about my relationship with God in general.

.

I just have to get through today.

AND THEN MY VACATION STARTS! I'm off for nearly a week and I can't wait.
By the way, N had a good reason for not coming to the movie. Darn him.

More on the new hobby

Passing more time at work.

New hobby...

I've gotten a new hobby here in the last couple of months. Not sitting on the beach. I wish it was sitting on the beach. I'm thinking of taking some art classes.

Convos.

"I wouldn't look good without my two smallest toes."
"I'm dating my mother."
"I don't like - well, I like my Dad."
"Excuse me, could you fill out this questionnaire?"

Aww, what a sweet thought... but maybe next time you could read me something that already exists.

So, have you ever had a guy try really hard to write you poetry, but you have a less than desired reaction? You know, instead of being like, "Wow, how awesome that you wrote me poetry! It's beautiful! I love it!" you cock your head to the side and just try to muddle through it, then shake your head and just say, "Well, he tried."

(And no, I'm not talking about N. The poem he wrote me for Valentines' Day last year was very, very sweet, it made sense and was all spelled correctly.)

Public Service Announcement 8,132

Teenaged girls in Murfreesboro, we need to have a talk. Just to clarify, skinny legged jeans are not appropriate for every body type. Take it from a big girl who just knows better.

And PLEASE put the velvet away. It's June. You may think fashion rules are stupid, but you live in the South so get over it. No velvet after Valentine's Day.

I don't care if they make it in your size. Repeat after me: I don't have to wear it.

Maybe we should talk about sequins. There are a few appropriate occasions for them. Here's a list.
1. Weddings. Erica's dress had sequins. It was beautiful.
2. Prom. Just don't look like a mirror ball like I did my junior year.
3. Cute shoes.
4. Formal attire. See my caution above under prom.
5. Competitive figure skating.

Inappropriate:
1. School.
2. Church. I mean on your clothes, not necessarily your shoes. There's just no reason to be shiny at church. This applies to gold lame' as well. But I think it goes without saying that that is NEVER appropriate.
3. Men. Unless you're a competitive figure skater and your partner insists on you wearing sequins. Or unless you're Aaron and have made a fabulous costume for a social occasion that is supposed to involve costumes. All other men, just say no.

These lists are not all inclusive. If you have questions, feel free to ask.

hm

In about a month, I'll be spending a week at my brother's house keeping his dogs while he's on vacation. I love spending time with my brother's dogs and my niece, but I hate that my brother only ever calls me when he needs something from me.

On a good note, I went to the library with Tina and the kids today and watched G and B play in the fountain. So adorable.

(Slightly disdainful) Confessions of an ISFJ

I posted this to my Myspace a couple of months ago. I find it amusing. But we've already covered that I blog because I'm self absorbed...

1. I resent your attempts to label me and put me in a box. We've already covered that I am indeed a unique and beautiful snowflake. Sorry, Mr. Durden.
2. INTJs are my enigma according to that thing Andrea found. I don't get you. But hey, haven't we all established that I love puzzles and challenges? Throw in something pink or shiny and I get real excited.
3. Um, while you people are all whining about how horrible we ISFJs are, we are not there to defend ourselves. Why? Because we have better things to do. Like annoy you in real life for example. Now, THAT'S fun.
4. Our only Youtube video is about l'ecole journalisme. Haha. I'm a moron.
5. I'm selfless. Just ask me. I LOVE to talk about myself.
6. This will shock you all: ISFJs have a hard time letting go.
7. I serve others. I laugh in the face of my own needs. Or at least refuse to articulate them apparently. (The "Call me, pay attention to me, I need this from you," obviously doesn't count.)
8. We have a great aptitude for organization (hence the deep, undying love of numbered lists,) and unsuspected analytical talent.
HEAR THAT? I'm ANALYTICAL!!!
9. I am correcting your spelling and grammar as I read your email/message/blog post/comment.
10. It doesn't matter if mine is less than perfect. We're talking about YOU now, you realize. Don't forget that I'm selfless.
11. I swear, I fight sleep like a 2 year old at nap time with a No Doz addiction.
12. I am witty and cynical because you have not cracked through the surface to find the closet happy-girl with the warm, mushy center. Sweetness, although desired, makes me doubt your sincerity.
13. I fight sleep because I am STILL, after all these years, afraid that I'm missing something really cool.
14. Things I don't do: call you first. Um, no.
Actually, I think the ISFJ thing is pretty spot on. I was less than flattered when I first tested as an ENFP. They just seemed whiny and high maintenance. Most of those people blasting us in the forums are simply jealous. Go whine in your own forum. You're not going to get a response from one of us in ours, because we (besides being desperate to avoid conflict,) have moved on with our lives... Well, as far as this goes. Apparently we're too busy pining over failed relationships to pay attention to you.

Fire your boss?

So, Rubyred's book (or at least the small portion that I read,) advised that you're not supposed to find fulfillment in work but in your personal life.

How do you do that when your schedule prevents a personal life?

Pictures for Mariam! Help!

So I got a letter from my beautiful little Mariam today. I swear, this little girl is obsessed with marriage! I had told her about being in my cousin's wedding, so she has now requested pictures of the wedding. I'm of course sending them to her, but I feel like I should send some others as well of other weddings so she can see what a typical American wedding looks like. 'Cause I tell ya, nothing about Janet's wedding was typical...
I had also told her about baseball, since it's the one sport that I can intelligently watch and yell at. She said that she'd never seen pictures of people playing baseball, but that it sounded like a very tiring sport.
New project: Find pictures of people playing baseball or softball to send to Mariam...

So, anyway, if you have any of the following, please contribute:
Wedding pictures of your own or someone else's
Pictures of baseball/softball games (preferably children, but I'll take adults too.)
Pictures of typical Tennessee scenery from any area of Tennessee.
If you can email them to me I'll get them printed, but if you have copies you can give I'll take those too. Email: brooklyncs@gmail.com

Thanks!

How did you celebrate the first day of summer?

So, about halfway through my lunch break I realized that it was the first day of summer. Then I realized that I was spending that one hour in pretty much my ideal way (second to being at the beach of course.)
This is how I celebrated the day: Wore shorts to work, wore cute shoes and my favorite black shirt, did the whole curly hair thing in a ponytail, drove around with my shoes kicked off in the floorboard, enjoying the sunshine with the sunroof open and the windows down blasting Me and Bobby McGee and eating an ice cream cone from Dairy Queen. It was a good lunch break.
And then I went back to work and sat at my desk listening to eople tell me why it's my fault they can't control their children and in most instances, themselves.

In other news, nothing from N. Sources report that he has laryngitis, which in this age of electronic communication means that he drops off the face of the planet.

M is making his presence known, or at least trying to be a semblance of presence. Really what's going on is that he gets bored, gets lonely, decides to text me.

Every once in a while I'm real tempted to change my number.

Anyway, before I got distracted by the lack of thrilling that are the boys in my life, I was merely saying this:

It's summer. And so far, it's been gorgeous and peaceful and full of sunshine and music and bare feet, just like summer should be.

Watching a bit of TV in between the static...

I am watching the Cosby show. Does it sometimes make you sad that we went some such innocent entertainment that you weren't embarrassed to watch in front of your parents to things like Sex in the City that you feel like you need to repent after watching?

That's what YOU think.

1. There should be more letters in the alphabet. I mean, what kind of random number is 26? Why not 30?
2. I think we should start a revolution. I'm taking suggestions and we'll begin having planning sessions next month.
3. I'm going to set aside 4 hours next week to do something completely spontaneous.

........

Just seeing how long it takes you to get the irony of that last statement.

4. N. Grr.
5. I'm tired and going to bed.
Good night.

Thoughts on N.

So, I'm having some thoughts and doubts as to what I want in life in the area of N. I'm starting to notice some things that have caused me to become quite disappointed in him. These aren't things that relate to me; they have to do with the way he treats his relationships in general, the way that he doesn't appear to be getting closer to his ever changing future plans, and a few other things. What sucks right now is that I don't have the right/ability to say, "Look, there are a few things that I have real concerns about," because we're not together and his idea of friendship seems to include a lack of initiation of time spent, conversation, etc.

Rubyred asked me today if I thought maybe I require more effort than other women. I'm responding with a big NO.

1. I am worth time.
2. I am worth attention.
3. I am worth someone wanting to be with me without me doing all the asking.

Here's the thing guys: Get with the program. I'm sick of women feeling like it's wrong for us to want you to call us, ask us out, pick us up, get to know our friends and family, be the spiritual leader, etc.

Stand up and be a man for goodness sake.

With that said, I'm doing some serious praying regarding my feelings for someone who doesn't seem to be interested in maintaining friendships or moving forward toward a goal rather than just planning it.

No one cares about this blog.

I think it's really funny that author of My Purse Driven Life Anita Renfroe said that Vera Bradley would never catch on in the South.

My collection so far: (Not that anyone other than other VB enthusiasts cares)
1. Petal pink Handbag
2. Petal pink hard eyeglass case
3. Bermuda Blue Tote
4. Bermuda Blue Checkbook Cover
5. Bermuda Blue Zip Wallet
6. Pansy Pink Pocket Wallet
7. New Hope Miller
8. New Hope Little Betsy
9. Americana Red Amy
10. Mesa Red Curling Iron Cover
11. Peacock Journal
12. Turquoise Microfiber.... Audrey I think? I don't remember this one's name...

It's not just me. You see Vera everywhere here. Ever been to a Beth Moore Conference? Ever joined a sorority? Ever been to the mall, to a kids' soccer game, or basically just walked down the street?

You are wrong, Ms. Renfroe. It's in the South. Excuse me while I go drool over the Java Blue Metro that I want off of Amazon...

Harvey

"In this life you can be oh so smart or oh so pleasant. For years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. You may quote me." - Elwood P. Dowd

I love this movie. It just makes you feel good - almost like you've been hugged or wrapped in a blanket asleep in front of a fire when it's snowing outside. Mr. Dowd walks through life slowly, picking flowers, inviting people over for dinner in honor of a poor man released from jail, presenting everyone with his card and paying compliments to every woman he meets. Sincere compliments - not the flippant ones that men fling out at women now when they remember that we like them.
This movie made me love the name Harvey because it's just so nice, relaxed, slow, thoughtful and, just as Mr. Dowd said, pleasant.

I want my boxer puppy named Harvey, my little white schnauzer puppy named Violet, and my yet unnamed chinchilla. Maybe 2 chinchillas - I could name one Jack and the other one Lucy. Not for while you were sleeping, but for Jack Johnson and Lucy Peevensie.

Loritab

So, I had a tooth pulled and they gave me Loritab (aka good drugs.) I took some yesterday right after we got home and next thing I know I'm waking up on the couch cuddling a pair of flip flops and have apparently demanded to know the whereabouts of N. (Which my friend Jaina found extremely hilarious because I didn't remember it.) Tonight I am pondering things. Really - things. I now have a pair of shoes that matches my favorite handbag. I made myself a cd called Whoo Hoo.
The Amazon box has a smile on it. Captain Jake Taylor has 6 hearts. I like books.

Vacations I want to take in the next two years:

New York to go to a taping of the Tyra show. How fun would that be?

Savannah - go eat at Paula Dean's, go to the beach, go to the other places in the Savannah books.

Hawaii - preferably not by myself, which among other reasons makes this one really unlikely.

That's enough for the moment...

New developments

I talked to N today and it went very well. I got the information that I wanted, and now feel quite capable of settling in for a (hopefully not too) long wait. I got what I wanted - acknowledgment of the novel, I mean, email. (It really bothers me that there's not an "e" between the "g" and "m" in that word.) And it was a good acknowledgment.

Words I love to say: I'm tired, so I'm going to bed.

Alone sucks.

I want to go on vacation. I want someone to love me enough to want to go with me and then follow through by actually going. You can be a family member or friend. I don't care. It's imperative that on this trip you don't spend all of your time texting someone else, emailing someone else, talking on the phone to someone else, sleeping, watching CSI/ER/Gray's Anatomy, or expecting me to watch the kids while you fish/golf/etc.

Basic point: I want to go somewhere with someone who wants to hang out with me, talk with me, or do something with me because they want to be with me, and not simply because their spouse/boyfriend/preferred friend or child isn't available.

I'm sure I sound pathetically whiny, but I'm sick and tired of being the "something to fall back on." It's not that I don't love taking care of people, I do. I need to feel important and valued. A few of my friends do a great job at this. I want to get a phone call with the person on the other end saying, "Let's spend some time together. Want to go _________?" The majority of you don't. The majority of you, family included, put me off to see if there's something better first.

My brother and several friends call me when he needs a baby sitter.
My parents call when they need something.
The other brother, as well as several friends, don't call at all.

I know that my issues/hurts may not be as big or important as the ones that my friends might experience, but I feel like screaming from lack of contact.
I feel passed over, pushed aside, ignored, taken advantage of, unacknowledged, invisible, inaudible, forgotten, etc.

I hate being alone. I don't hate spending time alone, I just hate this whole state of being alone. Yes, I'm blessed enough to have a roommate that loves me just like a sibling would, but I miss living with family and getting hugged and kissed goodnight. I miss working with children and being hugged every day. That was one bonus of camp. Hugs. Grown people hugging each other on a daily basis. PCB was great about this. We were made to hug 8-10 people on our team daily.

I feel isolated and separated and I hate it.

Tired.

I've played babysitter, dog sitter, fifth wheel on my own birthday trip, and I've decided alone by my own choice is much better. I'm a great last resort.

The night that I got beat up by apricots.

I got a pedicure yesterday and my toes looked PRETTY.

Until a 16 oz can of apricots fell off the counter and on to my poor toe. Blood seriously did spurt everywhere. (Don't worry rubyred, I cleaned it up.) Talk about pain. I thought I was going to pass out. OH MY GOSH.

I was having a great night. Now I'm hurting and I want to cry.

Food for thought:

Am I being patient, or am I being pathetic?


Edited: The answer is patient.

So, I'm curious, How do YOU get to sleep?

WOW! Brooklyncs is up early.

No she's not. She's up late.

That's right friends, I'm doing the no sleep thing again. Tried to go to bed, really did... laid in a dark room with my eyes closed and the whole bit. I am exhausted. Was exhausted when I went to bed. Then my mind started racing, I kept thinking of all I needed to do today, and then I finally just figured to heck with it and got out of bed around 5. We now have less than 5 dirty dishes in our house, I have completely filled the hummingbird feeder, watered the flowers, taken out the trash (most of it,) and after the roomie goes to work I'm finishing cleaning downstairs and vacuuming. Yes, that word IS spelled correctly, thank you very much.

Tried a new recipe for cheesecake last night. That was a mistake. Stick to the tried and true recipe inside the Philadelphia Cream Cheese package. MUCH more trustworthy than the internet. I now have to go buy new ingredients and make ANOTHER cheesecake. The strawberry sauce is quite superb, however, and I made homemade whipped cream just 'cause it's so stinking easy.

I think after Tyra I'll take a nap.

So... what do you think?

Second day in a row to see daylight before I go to bed? Hmmm...

Today I bought headlights for my REALLY BIG truck. (Ok, so it's a 4Runner. Still bigger than anything I've owned.) I had five people (ok, more like 2,) ask me in Auto Zone if they could help me find something. I'm all like, "No, I got it." And then I walked up to the register with the headlights. 2 of them. I figure I just bought the vehicle, might as well replace them at the same time. It was really entertaining to watch the guy double check the book while he thought I wasn't looking to make sure that I got the right ones. At least he didn't check right in front of me. I love Auto Zone because they're never patronizing, and they're always so polite and respectful no matter which one I go to. Other auto parts stores are no where near as nice.

I love the fact that I know my way around an auto parts store. You should see me buy a battery.

Scrabble

So, I invited N over and he's coming to eat dinner and play Scrabble. I like Scrabble.
Rubyred ended my undefeated streak... I kind of forgive her. Can N beat me? I'm going with a no. Why am I going with a no? Because I'm not going to let him. I'm going to get in his good graces by making a homemade cheesecake and then I'm going to trounce him.

Kids.

My beautiful little Mariam, the girl from Burkina Faso that I sponsor through Compassion, just sent me a letter. She wants to know if I'll marry and when.

Oh, honey. From your lips to God's ears... ;)

Things I will work on:

1. Be more flexible on other people's terms.
2. Adapt, adapt, adapt.
3. Pray.
4. Read my Bible.
5. Get up for church every week.
6. Take Quality trainings and excel in them.
7. Don't get freaked out by changes in schedule.
8. Continue to wait patiently.

I kinda feel like I just threw a tantrum, or five.

Ever have one of those days when you just kind of make a fool of yourself in many arenas of your life?

Personal life? check.
Work life? check. check.
Personal life? check. check. check.
Family life? check.

I don't suck at life. I just sometimes suck at the execution of it. Feel a bit like a moron. Hope I didn't blow anything.

And what is with the random threats of violence?
Anyway, sorry N. Didn't mean to go off and be a brat.

I freaking LOVE naps.

I freaking LOVE cereal bars and Yogo's. Yogurt covered fruit snacks. LOVE them.

Hey, it beats an ice cream addiction.

So, do you even just want to hit someone upside the head REALLY, REALLY hard, but now they'd still look at you and say, "What?"

I feel like I'm slipping a bit at work in a lot of areas. Is it the schedule? Is it that I'm bored out of my mind?

I need to feel that my job is important, like I'm doing something more than just earning money. I'm not MAKING money. N says that most jobs earn money, but making money is when you don't feel like you're working.

I am going to make myself sleep now. Tomorrow I am keeping the babies at church, which I am overjoyed about. I miss being with children.

I miss being with N. I miss being with Mommy and Daddy on a regular basis. I miss seeing my Sydney a bunch. I really don't like not seeing the 3R's as much as I used to. Every time I see them they're 4 inches taller.


Really going to bed now.

It's 2:43 a.m. Do you know where your parents are?

I do. They're asleep. Been asleep for several hours and will be up in about 2-3 hours. And right now I am just too tired to sleep. Ever feel like that? If I go to bed, I lay there and think about everything under the sun, or about the person who will from now on be referred to as N. Why N? Because it's generally the symbol for unknown in an algebraic equation. And he is definitely an unknown.

I bought my mother a cell phone for Mother's Day. I would say it's for her, but honestly I've always been really bad about tracking my parents down when they're not where they should be. I mean, they're in their 50's. Why aren't they always home?

I'm kidding. As long as they're home by curfew they're ok.

I generally call home to talk to my mother. I've tried calling my father before, but if it's not about a car or work he seems to get confused and answers, "Hold on, here's Mama." To which I respond, "I was calling to talk to you." Anyway, he always keeps the phone, and since I am evidently insecure unless I can reach my parents at any time of day, I bought her a phone.

A friend laughed at me and told me that I just bought my mother a leash.
The nerve. It's not a leash. Think of it as a sort of mutated apron string.

He always delivers.

Someone very close to me just miscarried. I'm overwhelmed for her. I've lost nieces or nephews, I've lost cousins, so I know what her family is going through, but I can't imagine what she's actually feeling. I'm no where near the position to have a child and I know how bad my arms ache for one at times. I can't imagine having been pregnant and then never being able to hold that baby.

A long time ago when my parents and I were going to Antioch First Baptist, this woman sang this song about Jesus's rocking chair. It was a horribly twangy song that musically grated on my nerves, but it was touching. It talked about mothers that lose their children, whether before or after their birth, and how they're not able to hold or rock them, but that Jesus holds them in His arms and rocks them. It's always stuck with me and comforted me when my sister-in-laws or aunt miscarried. These babies are held, whole and beautiful in Heaven, and when we get there we'll know them.

Something else that I always think about are the verses in the Bible where God is comparing the earth to a woman in labor, and He says (this is a paraphrase because I can't remember the exact words,) "Just as a woman experiencing labor pains always delivers, I will deliver you." I find it incredibly sad that every woman I've spoken with that has had a miscarriage has experienced some aspect of birth. My friend felt her water break. My sister-in-law had to "pass" both babies that she miscarried. My aunt had to give birth to two dead babies, one at 4 months, another at 7 months. Although it's heartbreaking because water breaking and giving birth usually leads to something joyful, it's a reminder to me that God is faithful to deliver us. A woman experiencing labor pains will never not deliver. He will always deliver us, even in ways that we will never understand. Lord knows I will never understand the reasoning for a woman losing her baby, but I know that He comforts us and blesses us even in the saddest of situations, and I know that He is faithful to deliver us from sin and from evil.

It's 3 a.m. in the House of A&C

"I kind of feel like Queen Esther. Here, eat some cookies, share with your friends."

I should have started baking cookies for boys a long time ago.

"Are you looking over your shoulder to see if someone overheard you call something stupid?"

It's amazing how amusing stupid things are at 3:30 a.m.

Roomie has a P.O.A. I need one.

Tyra Banks is our friend.

Why does Tyra always make me cry?
I think I could even forgive her if she votes for Hilary.

I have lines on my face.

I slept for 8 hours! At one time! YAY me.

So, today I am having lunch with an old boyfriend. Let me explain how much of an old boyfriend. I haven't seen him since I was 16. Maybe 15. I don't remember. Either way, it's been a long, long time. As I was in the shower, I was contemplating going to get my hair and eyebrows done beforehand, since it needs to be done and I want to look pretty when I see him since I was a cute 15 year old when we "went together," and then made a conscious decision that NO, I indeed would NOT go get these things done before I go to meet him. Mainly because of the time involved and I don't want to be late, but it got me thinking about how much I have changed, and wondering how other people see me. I'm starting to get lines around my eyes and mouth. This is something that I've been noticing for a while, and honestly it's not something that I mind right now. Actually I kind of like the way my face looks with a few lines. Will those lines be noticed? Will he think, "Good grief, this chick got old?"

I like my age. Every once in a while I feel like I'm no older than about 16 because it seems that others are so far ahead of me, but that was quickly cured one day when I decided to see if I could still do a back bend. I can, but good grief it really drove home that I'm indeed NOT 16 anymore.

This is not meant to sound arrogant, but I think I've been prettier the past year or so than I've ever been. I've got a decent job, I have an amazing roommate and we live in an adorable house, I'm a great cook, I'm going to buy a new car soon, pedicures have become a monthly necessity, and with God's grace and strength I've overcome some rather difficult things in my life. I've been privileged to lead people to the Lord, I got to work with Fuge for three years, I've seen both of my brothers marry women that I respect, and I have the most adorable little niece in the world, as well as the handsomest, smartest 12 year old nephew in the entire world. Life is good and I kind of think these lines are a product of my life becoming good. There are still some things I want, but they'll come.

In the meantime I'll just go develop more lines.

This may bore you; or it may just tell you why you bore me.

First of all, let me just say that there are some underrated things in this world.
Dogs, for instance.
Pedicures.
POLITENESS. (I'm thinking mainly of strangers is professional situations.)
Really comfortable shoes that are also adorable.

SLEEP. This is something I miss. I was able to sleep for a few hours last night - 4 in all. This is definitely an improvement.
This is interesting:

Jung Test Results

Introverted (I) 57.14% Extroverted (E) 42.86% Sensing (S) 68.97% Intuitive (N) 31.03% Thinking (T) 50% Feeling (F) 50% Perceiving (P) 57.58% Judging (J) 42.42%

Your type is: ISFP

Apparently this is the "Artist" type.
The P/J seem to go back and forth with me based on how creative I'm feeling that day Here lately, I've gotten back where I want to make things or write, or just go somewhere and look at or listen to pretty things, so the Perceiving seems to be showing itself a bit more.

The Thinking side tends to kick in a bit stronger when I'm confronted with someone who is overrun by their emotions or expresses them strongly. What's funny is that the Feeling kicks in when I'm confronted with someone who does not express their emotions strongly, but the Feeling doesn't kick in as hard core as the Thinking does in the opposite situation. I'm more comfortable with Thinkers in general, and the only consistent exceptions seem to be my roommate and Tina. The other Feelers in my life drain me over a sort period of time. The few Thinkers in my life - Ric, Joey and Aaron - all energize and relax me. (Or is this an issue of girls/guys? I don't know.)

The Introversion and the Sensing are the two that are pretty standard. Makes sense. Too much contact with people just drains and annoys me, although I do need people frequently. Most of the time I just prefer to be alone, or with just a few other people. I very strongly dislike most group activities, with the exception of things with my life group. Even then, I feel a bit pressured to go into shiny-happy mode rather than just being able to relax. I do love people, and I can be engaging and social, but it's taxing.

I'm much more like to say, "But this makes sense..." as an argument, laying out details and steps rather than seeing the overall big picture.

I've become really interested, although bothered a bit because I resist being classified or put into a box, in this whole personality theory thing. I like formulas and explanations, and this presents me with both. I get to have explained to me why people driven by their emotions drive me crazy. I get to have explained to me why I remember every freaking detail of every conversation and mull it over. It now makes sense why I remember movie quotes, why misspellings in emails/etc drive me nuts, and why I need to know every detail/possible solution to a problem.

The introspective blog is not coming to a close. I'm actually tired and think I may sleep for a couple of hours before I go to work.

Bonus: I get to be off three hours early. Thank you dear Lord Jesus. It's needed.

I should follow Tyler Durden's logic...

And just get a couple of extra jobs to keep while I'm awake. If only he had a fun job. Making soap is gross.
Think of it - I cut out sleep altogether, that's a whole other full time job.

I drink out of the OJ carton. My OJ, "my" house, my quirk.

Insomnia is not fun. I'm ready to be done with it. At what point do you develop another personality that looks like Brad Pitt? Can mine look like Catherine Zeta Jones instead? I mean, I am a girl.

Just your friendly stick of butter walking down the street.

The difference in ISFJ's and INFP's:
Although we always arrive at the same destination, the means of travel is slightly different. I walk down the road on the right side, moving aside for cars, while she skips through a meadow to get there, stopping to pet the bunnies she passes along her way.

Quotes for the day, taken from songs from O'Charley's and my phone:

"I felt so symbolic yesterday."
"Oh, oh oh oh oh, you don't have to go, oh oh oh oh."
"...What's going on?"

Quotes for eternity, taken from magnetic poetry:
"I got a call from God. The butler is missing."

On other topics: My emotional state can best be compared to a stick of butter in the microwave.
You got it. Melt down. Must watch another chick flick RIGHT NOW.

Ramblings

Tyra gave away cars to three women today and I cried like a baby.
I got a letter from my Mariam today. I tried telling her a little bit about my job, and she wrote back, "I don't understand much about your work, but I'm sure it's probably great!" Doesn't that make you want to laugh? She also told me that she loves to sing and that Jesus is her friend. I love children - they're so straight forward and haven't learned to fill their sentences with lots of meaningless crap.
Did you know that dogs like Twizzlers? Zoe does. She's staring at me with this very reproachful look in her eyes because I'm not sharing with her.

Things that are true (a numbered list:):

1. I bought an ox.
2. I love, love, love veggie pizza.
3. I am an introvert.
4. I have been completely giddy, silly, stupid, and bowled over by a guy once in my life.
5. I eat ice cream when I can't handle my emotions.
6. I talk more when I'd rather just sit and look at someone because I get scared they'll get bored if we're not talking and want to leave.
7. I now want to buy Pampers for every baby shower I get invited to.
8. I bought myself flowers because the chocolate told me to.
9. I love Pringles like a fat kid loves cake.
10. I love my family, but I can count on 2 hands the number of family members I like.
11. I have a very large family.
12. I bake cookies for people because I don't really know another appropriate way to be proactive in showing interest.
13. INTJ's annoy me.
14. I get weirded out by touchy-feely friends. Hug me once, I'm good.
15. I want to go to Ft. Wayne to buy a handbag.
16. I feel inferior to most of the people I go to church with.
17. I'm only sarcastic and clever because I like the attention when people laugh at my jokes.
18. I want to sit down and talk about something real.
19. I want a step-by-step path.
20. I love someone and I have no idea how to proceed, other than I am doing what I want rather than what others are telling me is a good idea.
21. I fear RDB, Matt, Mar(k/c) and Wayne have been place holders.
22. I don't know how to get to know someone I already know.
23. I'm scared.
24. I feel great.
25. I need to spend a lot of time with God.
26. I need to go to bed and get some sleep.
27. Andrea has a plan of attack. I need one.
28. I have cried every day for the past week about nothing important. Well, the wedding was important.
29. I bought a (paint ball) gun. Ha.
30. Things that are funny in our head make other people laugh too. At us? With us? Out of amusement by us? Who knows.
31. I like numbered lists that include as many items as my current age.

I just cried at a Pampers commercial.

So, Pampers is doing this thing where for every package of diapers they sell they provide a vaccine for children in third world countries. The commercial is of a woman walking down the street and she keeps seeing women of other nationalities and their babies/toddlers. The toddlers run to her and hug her, she's holding a baby and the baby kisses her, and it's all sweet and I teared up like no other. That's all it takes. Sweet babies, the thought they need vaccines, and the mothers looking all grateful.


Great. Now the single childless girl feels like she needs to go buy Pampers.

Help me!

So, it's been a really long time since I wrote anything other than a blog, an email, or some very convincing reason that my supervisor should approve a credit.
So everyone, provide a writing prompt to help me exercise a talent that I haven't used in a while. Give me a situation, a character, something. Amuse me.

In other news, I bought lots of stuff to shatter to make my table. Whoo hoo!!!

I am a Disney Princess, thank you very much.

I am currently wearing my tiara and my earrings I bought for formal years ago. I am wearing pink pj's and have pink toenails. Earlier I made Zoe wear my clip on earrings I wore to my senior prom. It was cute. Then I made her wear the necklace I wore for the wedding. I'm a generous princess: I share my bling.

I'm not really spoiled, but I would definitely describe myself as a princess in some ways.
1. I refuse to pump my own gas if someone else will do it for me. If they flirt with me, they get a tip. Hey, I'm not ashamed.
2. I refuse to wash my own car. God would not have created car wash fund raisers if He wanted us to do it ourselves.
3. Vacations should happen in hotels, condos, resorts, inns, cottages, cabins, chalets... basically structures with walls that do not fold up into a bag or box. I would love for there to be shopping, restaurants, people to make up the bed every day when I'm not looking, and towels that don't scratch you.
4. There are things that "you just don't do."
5. I am worthy of your attention and I expect you to impress me. It's not hard. Really.

That's all. For all of you that voted that I should be a fairy princess when I grow up, I kind of agree.

Daily dose of cheese and bad acting.

So yesterday I put in a movie to nap to. I knew there was a sequel to Cutting Edge, but I never dreamed they would make a THIRD. I mean really. It makes me a little sad, but I watched it. Here's my review.

Good acting: negative. I love that they had to smear the blond's mascara all over her face so that it looked like she had been crying - her eyes were completely dry.

Original plot: negative. hockey player meets and becomes a figure skater. Oops. Been done. Let's REALLY mix it up. Make the hockey player female and Mexican! That'll throw 'em off.

Great scripting: negative. "Yes, I'll skate with you." Thanks for stating the obvious. "Always." Well didn't that just turn it into the most romantic line in the world.

Original extremely inventive, dangerous skating move that no one has ever seen before that makes up for everything: Nope. We saw it. In the first one. So they set it to a remake of "She's Like the Wind." Wow.
They remade a Patrick Swayze song. THAT is its very own blog for a later date.

Name dropping: Present. Christy Romano as Jackie Dorsey, Doug and Kate Dorsey's daughter.

Cheese Factor: So much that you would never have to eat cheese again.
It's one redeeming quality (other than the lead actor's abs and arms) was the line the mother was given: "I know you cried. I stood outside your door and listened." That thirty seconds actually made me tear up.

Although we could credit that to the fact that I was tired and hormonal...

You're all fruits. All of you.

So, I'm real tired.
I should go to bed earlier.
I'm off to work.
Then I'm home to take a nap.
Discuss amongst yourself: If you were a fruit, what would you be and why?
Now that I've thrilled you all, have a good day.

Who am I is not just a Casting Crowns song.

Sometimes I really wonder what the person that was pre-Matt and Joey was like. Did I speak my mind more or less? Was I kinder, less biting, less cynical, more able to express my emotions than I am now? I guess pre-Matt and Joey Crystal was probably just post-Andrew Crystal.
I think we all keep asking ourselves, "Who am I? Am I who I was? Is this the real me?"
No, I'm not who I was. Pre-Andrew Crystal will never be post-Andrew Crystal. Post-Joey Crystal will never be pre-Joey Crystal. Is this the real me? I don't know. I feel half-terrified to bring out anything that isn't witty or light-hearted unless it's written or I know someone extremely well.
She will, however, remain confused rather than be one of those girls that pushes a DTR after one date.
I feel like I'm growing in some ways and remaining stagnant in others. Granted, if I could make myself get up and go to church that would help. If I could make myself go to bed early that would probably help too...
There's a large decrease in affection in my life since I'm very rarely around children anymore. It's amazing to me how much we as humans need physical touch.
Let me just get this off my chest: If my needs or desires are different than yours, accept it. Think before you speak. If it sounds in your head like you're judging me, then just don't say it.
Don't give me the look that conveys that you think I'm less than you.


You know, it's a little disheartening to only have the ability to dazzle until you meet.
Don't comment. It's a 2 am post.

Things my roommate knew and I didn't.

1. You can buy all the makings of a crack pipe at Dave's Market.
2. There is a no-fly zone over the nudist colony outside of Murfreesboro.
3. There's a Christian nudist camp that meets regularly.

I don't know why my roommate knows so much about nudist colonies.

Work Stories

I am currently so tired that I could cry. I'm giggly, I'm teary-eyed, and I am flat out tired of people in general. Not all people - just people in groups. I rather enjoy how quiet my house is.
Can I just tell you that I'm not a fan of 2--11?
Can I also just tell you that I don't like stupid people?
I don't like communist China or organ harvesting.
I don't like gangrene or amputation.
I don't like North Dakota.

Things that will NOT be in my wedding:

1. Red.
2. Black.
3. Any relative singing at any point.
4. The theme from Superman.
5. Lighted cake "display systems."
6. Centerpiece made of very large martini glasses.
7. My relatives jumping and shaking their groove thangs to Dancing Queen.
8. Tiaras. Yes, plural.
9. A bride dancing down the aisle to "Let's Get it Started" as she's being walked down the aisle to be given away.
And the 10th thing that will NOT be in my wedding: The groom walking down to the theme from Star Wars.


I'm so glad this is done.

I get my tiara today.

Yep. A tiara. And prom jewelry. Afraid? You should be. I'll post pictures later.
In other areas of my life, I have a fish on my desk. Currently he has no name. I think I'm going with Narcissus. Why, you ask? Because bettas want to be the only pretty fish. However unlike the pathetically, tragically conceited youth of Greek mythology, they attack their reflection instead of just staring at it. Hey, they're pretty, not smart. Sometimes you can have both in humans, but not in bettas.
Highlander was right. There can be only one.
Tip: If you hold a mirror up to watch your betta attack itself, make sure you don't forget to take the mirror away. If you leave it there too long the poor dear will get so stressed out that he'll start bleeding.
You should all go watch Fight Club. Unless you're terribly offended by profanity. It's not a movie for the faint hearted, but it is fascinating. Brad Pitt at his not-so-hottest. Edward Norton at his almost-strangest.
Today, I am not Jack's broken heart. I'm more Jack's missing sense of whimsy.

Everything's better in Brooklyn.

Are you thinking to yourself, "Why is everything better in Brooklyn? And why is she calling herself Brooklyn? She's never been to New York. She's never lived outside of the Southeast." (To which I reply, "Thank you, dear Lord Jesus!")
Everything is better in Brooklyn because my Brooklynites brought home 2, count them TWO, Fuge cups.
Everything is better in Brooklyn because we dominated in Brain Busters nearly every week.
Everything is better in Brooklyn because lives were changed in that room, on that mountain, and through that hoop.
Everything is better in Brooklyn because every time I even see the name it reminds me how amazingly big God really is, how much He really loves His children, and how much I need to love and serve Him. It convicts me, reassures me, steadies me, and humbles me.
That's why everything is better in Brooklyn.